Scars: Book One Read online

  Scars: Book One

  by

  Sinden West

  Other works by Sinden West:

  Vicious

  Copyright © 2014 Sinden West

  All rights reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Design by James, GoOnWrite.com

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter One

  When Mara and Torrance went over the cliff, I was screwing my mother’s boyfriend. It would be nice to think that when the two people who hold your heart and sanity in their hands die, that you know somehow and that your heart screams as it breaks.

  This did not happen.

  While he was pounding away at me, I lay there detached with my interest held more by the spider spinning her web above me than by the man between my thighs. While he was pounding away, those girls spiraled down onto vicious rock and merciless waves. I could only hope that the waves cleaned away any blood; I would hate to think of them as less than perfect.

  I wondered if their ghosts were watching us. I imagined Mara giggling behind her hand, while Torrance rolled her eyes.

  “C’mon, Paige. Really? This guy? What are you on?”

  And then they would fade away as he climaxed, and I pushed him off me. He rolled onto his back, breathing heavily and keeping his eyes on the ceiling. I wondered if he was looking at the spider as well. When he could finally move again, his eyes were everywhere but on me. The shame of what we’d done had hit him.

  I spoke so he didn’t have to. “I’m going to take a shower.”

  I covered my nakedness with a robe and walked calmly down the hall and closed the bathroom door gently behind me. And then I stayed under the hot water of the shower until it ran cold, and my own sense of shame was overcome by the shivering.

  He was gone by the time I returned. No condom or any other evidence to indicate that he had ever been there was in view.

  Later, after my mother was home from work, she yelled at me for using all the hot water. Only then was the shame really gone as I smirked to myself and remembered why I’d done it. I put her plate in front of her for dinner and tuned her out as she moaned about her job and money. I waited for her to declare that she was sick of this life and wanted to revert to her old ways; that her love for Todd was wavering and her fear declining.

  His name amused me, Todd. Throughout all our moves, my mother had always brought along her old Sweet Valley High books from when she was a teenager; even those times when we had to escape quickly. One of the main characters in the book is called Todd, and he was some perfect six foot, cleft chin, too good to be true type. I think he’s what she’s wanted her whole life. I think that’s why she hooked up with her Todd who’s a house painter, and okay looking, and doesn’t have a cleft chin.

  Her whole demeanor changed when he turned up.

  “Todd, I thought I was meeting you at the bar?” She pushed back her chair and embraced him, planting a kiss on his mouth. His arms stiffly hugged her to him, but his eyes flicked to me so quickly that I wondered if I imagined it. I turned my attention to my plate as I dug my fork into the food.

  “Oh? I guess I forgot.”

  “No problem, let me just grab my bag, and I’m good to go.” She disappeared down the hall to grab her things, leaving us alone together.

  “About this afternoon,” Todd began, his voice low and anxious, but I cut him off.

  “There’s nothing to say.” I stood up from the table, grabbing my plate and putting it in the dishwasher.

  “Really? Because I think that there’s plenty to say.” The urgency in his voice annoyed me. He had never struck me as a drama queen before.

  I shrugged. “There really isn’t.”

  A banging at the kitchen door finished our conversation.

  “Come in,” I called.

  My boyfriend, Finn, entered cautiously, and a fresh anger flared within me. It was only yesterday that he’d called me a bitch, and he’d sent not one single apology text since. He looked sick, and a small triumph coursed through me. He was going to apologize to me, and he was nervous, either that or he was going to dump me because he found out about me screwing Todd. No, he couldn’t know. I leaned against the kitchen countertop and looked at him expectantly.

  “Paige–“ he began but my mother chose that moment to return.

  “Oh, hello, Finn.” Then she frowned. “Are you okay? You look sick.”

  He took a deep breath and hung his head. “I’ve got bad news. Mara’s parents wanted me to tell you.” Finn was Mara’s neighbor, and many hours had been spent flashing our boobs at Finn from her bedroom window which faced his. Then he lifted his head slightly to catch me in his gaze. “Paige, there was an accident.”

  I think I held my breath then and so many questions that I was afraid to ask travelled through me. But none of us said anything. We just stood there and waited for Finn to continue.

  “Mara and Torrance…they were drinking at the lookout and, uh, they went over the edge.” The lookout was a crappy car park on the edge of a cliff that we used for partying some nights.

  I found my voice. “Are they okay?” Stupid question.

  Finn shook his head, and I felt everything within me drain away. My legs turned to jelly beneath me, and I passed out.

  I woke up in the living room. I’d been placed on the shitty couch that still stunk like Mom’s old cat that died last year. I struggled up to a sitting position, anxious to get away from the hideous floral fabric as much as the stench.

  Finn sat on the adjacent armchair, watching me with concern. “Don’t move so fast, you might faint again.” I leaned forward and held my head in my hands to try and regain composure and suppressed the urge to vomit. I could hear my mother speaking on the phone but couldn’t make out her words.

  “What happened to them?” I asked, my voice as faint as me. Finn moved over to sit beside me and took my hand. This kind of affection from him was practically unheard of unless he wanted sex.

  “Some old guy was up there walking his dog, when he passed them the first time they were drinking and messing around near the barrier. When he went past them again,
their bottles and keys were on the other side of the barrier and Torrance’s car was the only one there.” He shifted so that his arm encircled my waist. “My mother was at Mara’s house when the police turned up. They’re searching for the bodies now, but there’s not much chance of someone falling from that height and into the water and surviving…”

  Images flashed through my head of cracked, bloody skulls and nails broken from clawing from the rocks. Bile rose in my throat, and I made a dash for the bathroom. The vomit poured out of me at the same time the tears flowed down my cheeks.

  When I was confident in the fact that everything was out of me, I leaned against the tile on the wall, only then did I notice Finn standing in the doorway.

  “I guess I should have held your hair back or something, right?”

  I managed a smile even though I’m sure he wasn’t making a joke. Mom pushed past with a clean facecloth and passed it to me.

  “Do you feel better now?” she asked.

  Not really, Mom. My two best friends are dead.

  I nodded weakly.

  “Good, the police want to talk to you tomorrow so I’ll take you.” She frowned at the state of the toilet but then remembered herself and gave me a fake smile. “I’ll cancel my plans and stay home with you.”

  I groaned inside. “No, Mom. You should go, please go.” Because I don’t want to deal with your emotional blackmail later. “Finn will stay with me.”

  She looked uncertain for a moment. “If you’re sure?”

  I smiled to reassure her.

  “Okay then, but call me if you need me.” I won’t.

  I got to my feet and grabbed my toothbrush, smearing a generous amount of toothpaste on it before violently brushing my teeth. I felt her watching me for a moment before turning and leaving. I spat out the last of the paste and looked at myself in the mirror. A girl who looked like shit stared back at me. I heard the front door slam shut and sighed in relief; they were gone.

  Finn still stood in the doorway, arms crossed and watching me. I pushed past him and headed to the kitchen to raid my mother’s not so secret stash of alcohol. Cheap bourbon was this week’s flavor. I pulled the bottle out of the cupboard and poured generous amounts into two glasses before adding coke. I shoved Finn’s at him across the table, and some sloshed out.

  He caught it and lifted it in the air. “To Mara and Torrance.”

  I mimicked his actions. “To Mara and Torrance.”

  Finn downed his all in one go. His parents were both alcoholics so it would be inevitable that he’d be one too. I merely sipped my drink because my mother wasn’t an alcoholic. She did, however, have unhealthy relationships with men. That explained why I was with Finn, and screwed Todd, and other stuff I tried not to think about.

  Finn refilled his glass and downed that one quickly as well. We both drank until we were laughing.

  I supposed that was better than crying.

  Later, we had sex on the same sheets where I had screwed Todd that afternoon.

  Chapter Two

  They found the bodies, but we weren’t allowed to see them. I supposed that was for the best. When I went around to Mara’s house to pay my respects to her mother, all she could talk about was how pretty Mara was. She was right; Mara was fucking gorgeous, and it was heartbreaking to think that her face was smashed in by the rocks.

  I didn’t even bother with Torrance’s family. Her mother was a nasty old bitch and her father next to useless. I had strong suspicions that the joint funeral would be paid for by Mara’s family. I sat behind Mara’s family in the church. Finn sat beside me, and I snatched a glimpse of my mother rushing in to sit at the back just as the pastor began to speak. Her presence surprised me; maybe she really was turning over a new leaf.

  I’d been asked to say something, but I declined. I’d only known Mara and Torrance for eighteen months, but they were the only ones I had ever shared my secrets with, and they were everything to me. I certainly wasn’t going to stand up in front of a room filled with people and tell them how much they meant to me.

  A few kids from school spoke. Torrance was clever, and Mara was sporty, so they had a presence in quite a few different school teams. I snorted when I saw girls crying who barely knew them. I snuck a look at Finn to see if there were any tears, but there were none. When he caught me looking at him, he squeezed my hand. He probably thought we were going to have sex after the funeral.

  It seemed wrong that after the funeral was such a social event. Finn hung out with his friends, and groups of girls gathered critiquing what others were wearing. My mother’s too loud laugh seemed to ring out over all the other noise as she flirted with Torrance’s dad. She just couldn’t help herself, although now that her once blonde bombshell locks were dyed a rich chocolate, she didn’t seem as overtly sexual. Still, nothing disguised the fact that she was a very beautiful woman. I raised an eyebrow at her outfit; a red halter neck dress probably wasn’t the most appropriate dress to wear to a funeral. Torrance’s Dad’s eyes were glued to her cleavage, tongue practically hanging out. I tried to think of the name of the man who had paid for those breasts, but his name escaped me. Eventually, most of them all rolled into one, with the exception of a few who were notable for both good and bad reasons.

  I stayed as far away as possible from my mother. I don’t know why she was encouraging Torrance’s father. He wouldn’t be her type for another twenty years, when her skin was creased and papery, hair thinning, and face stretched with the maximum amount of facelifts allowed. That would be when she would need to settle for someone like Torrance’s drunken father, someone who eyed up women at his own daughter’s funeral while his obese wife shoved club sandwiches into her cavernous mouth a few feet away. I think that’s why I bonded so well with Torrance at first, because we both had fucked up home lives. But I never told her about that time I stayed overnight at her house. I’d gotten up in the middle of the night to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I’d snuck down quietly in the dark as to not wake anyone, wearing a long t-shirt that covered me to my knees. I’d jumped in fright when I saw the outline of Torrance’s father sitting in the dark at the kitchen table. Moonlight gave the room an eerie effect and after my eyes adjusted I could see him staring at me.

  “I’m just getting something to drink,” I shot out, unnerved by his unwavering stare.

  “I got something you can drink here.” He waived the liquor bottle at me. I gave him a tight smile in response.

  “I better just stick to water.” I turned to grab a glass and started to fill it from the sink when I felt my t-shirt lifted, and fingers wander down under the waistband of my panties and between my ass cheeks. I froze momentarily, before whirling around and smashing the glass into his head.

  “Bitch!” He clutched at his head where a wound had opened.

  “You stay the fuck away from me,” I had told him with false bravado in my voice. And then I had run past him up the stairs and into the safety of Torrance’s room. I never told her what he’d done; after all, none of us ever want to accept what our parents are. Deep down we need to believe that that they are good, protective, noble people like stories tell us they should be.

  I watched as my mother licked cream from a mini éclair off her fingers suggestively. Was she sick of Todd? No, that couldn’t be it. She loved Todd, maybe she was just seeing if she still had the elusive it that made men swarm around her like predators. Only it was her that was the real predator, with just a few exceptions.

  I stood on the fringes of a group, tuning out most of the pointless discussion. Merida snuck up beside me, her eyes were red from crying but that was okay. Merida was actually friends with them.

  “You okay?” she asks quietly.

  I nod at her. “I hate fucking funerals.”

  “Me too.”

  I watched Finn as he high-fived his friends like he wasn’t at a funeral and then made his way over to me. His arm went around my waist.

  “Hey, a bunch of us are going to go up to the l
ook out and get drunk tonight. A kind of farewell, you know? Wanna come?” I thought it was a stupid idea, but didn’t have a chance to say anything because Melody Syme cut in before I could.

  “I’ll be there. We should give them a send-off they’d approve of, not like this stupid funeral.” Her words may have had merit if she wasn’t eye fucking my boyfriend. Now I had to go whether I liked it or not, or Finn would probably succumb to her skankiness.

  I turned to him. “I’ll come,” then to Merida. “You’ll be there right?”

  She shrugged. “Sure, I’ve got a bottle of vodka at home.”

  “I’ll grab a ride with you.” Then I turned to Finn and gave him a long kiss on the mouth in front of Melody so she’d know that he was mine.

  At home, I changed out of my formal funeral dress and into jeans and a sweater. I wasn’t looking forward to tonight. I only liked parties when Torrance and Mara were there. I guessed that it was time to start doing things on my own. I scrawled a note to my mother who I supposed was out with Todd. Things must have been going strong in that department.

  Merida honked her horn to signal her arrival and I grabbed some coke to mix the vodka with along with some paper cups.

  “You look nice,” Merida told me as I got in her car.

  “Thanks. Hey, if I get drunk tonight and cry, can you promise to slap me?”

  Merida laughed. “No problem. I can’t imagine you crying though.”

  I shrugged in response and turned the radio on so we didn’t have to talk anymore.

  There was a crowd at the lookout, people were drunk and happy and the thought that this was morbid never seemed to cross anyone’s mind. I stayed away from the barrier, instead leaning against Merida’s car as I sipped my drink.

  People stayed away from me. Maybe the death stigma had rubbed off on me. But that was okay because I just wanted to watch the people around me, particularly Finn and Melody. Melody looked hot; I could give her that at least. That bitch had been after him for a long time but a healthy fear of me had made her back off. Maybe she thought I was so devastated now that Finn would be an easy target. Truth was, I didn’t really care that much.