Deep Water Read online

  “Come for a swim,” he whispered as his nose brushed across my cheek. I felt his hand beside mine, and he worked his fingers through to lace with my own. His leg nudged mine. “I’ll race you. I’ll even give you a head start.” He smelt of beer and something else‒perhaps that was sex. His lips touched my neck, and I leaned into his touch without really meaning too. The thumping of the music, mixed with the hazy drunkenness made me want to be reckless and wild.

  We staggered to our feet together, clinging onto each other for balance as we dragged our feet through the sand toward the water. I saw Katrin sitting by the fire, her head turned in our direction, but it was too dark to see whatever expression sat on her face. But she was gone from my thoughts quickly as my feet hit the water.

  Joseph’s hand had released mine, and he dived under clumsily. I followed suit, equally lacking grace. It took a lot of effort to make a single stroke, and I felt like I was going nowhere fast. It hit me then that maybe it was a mistake to go swimming when I was drunk because nothing seemed to work quite right. My feet couldn’t touch the bottom, and I managed to roll onto my back and float. The night sky was so pretty; stars and the moon shone above me and for just a moment I marveled at their beauty.

  But then I started to sink and began to thrash my arms and legs to stay afloat. Joseph’s strong arm came out of seemingly nowhere and wrapped around my chest, pulling me through the water. Then the platform was there, and I reached for the ladder, managing to hook my hands and legs onto it.

  But Joseph turned me around to face him. He crowded into me, bumping me against the ladder. He placed my hands around his neck as his held onto the ladder on either side of me, keeping us both up. I latched my legs around his waist because it seemed the most natural thing to do.

  I kissed him first. I kissed the water off the side of his mouth before moving down to kiss the water from his neck. He went rigid underneath me, and I swear, above the sound of the lapping of the water against our skin, I heard him moan. Then his hand brought my face up, so my lips met his and we kissed in a frenzy of moving tongues and sucking lips.

  Somehow we made it up the ladder and onto the security of the platform. His hands were in my hair, but mine wandered all down his body and pulled him to me tightly. Then he was on his back, and I was on top, kissing his mouth like I couldn’t get enough. I felt his hands squeeze my ass, caress my back, and it felt nice. All of it felt nice.

  But then my eyes felt heavy. As I kissed down his throat to his collarbone, it seemed a good place to rest my head that suddenly was too hard to hold up properly.

  And that’s where I fell asleep.

  I woke up in the morning in the same spot, right on top of Joseph. The sun burned my eyes and hurt my head as I managed to roll off him. Remembering the night before, my hands instantly went to my bikini bottoms in a moment of panic, but they were safely in their proper place.

  “Morning,” Joseph murmured, rolling over onto his side to face me.

  I looked around me before rubbing my eyes against the bright sunlight. “We slept out here?”

  “You passed out here. On top of me. I didn’t really have a choice but to stay.” He sat up, rubbing the back of his head which must have been sore from the hard wood he’d slept on.

  “Sorry.” I was blushing and quickly leaned over the side to splash cool lake water over my face so he wouldn’t see.

  “No problem.”

  He came up behind me where I kneeled, and his arms came around my waist as he pressed against me.

  I stiffened. “What’s that?”

  He shifted slightly, so his arms stayed in place, but the rest of his body was distanced from me.

  “Sorry. I always wake up with morning wood.” A swift kiss was delivered to the side of my neck before he let me go. “I guess the moment from the night before has passed? You left me with a nice reminder anyway.”

  I turned, mystified about what he was talking about, but then I saw the love bites that I had left on his chest.

  “Sorry,” I said before quickly looking away.

  “Don’t be. I’m not. Are you okay to swim back?”

  “Yeah. I think I’m sober.” I headed to the ladder and climbed down into the water. I was still shaky from the alcohol intake the night before and started a slow breast stroke back to shore with Joseph swimming by my side.

  The beach was deserted. Eve was gone.

  “Need a ride?” Joseph offered as he saw me looking up and down the beach.

  “Yeah.”

  I followed him to his car. He grabbed a towel out of the back seat and threw it at me. I caught it and rubbed the water from my skin before wrapping it around me. All my stuff was in Eve’s car, including my clothes.

  “I live on Cobb Hill,” I told him as he pulled onto the road that headed back to town.

  He leaned over to grab a packet of cigarettes out of the glove compartment. “Want one?” he offered.

  I shook my head. “No, thanks.”

  I saw him smile as he threw the pack on the dashboard. “So, you don’t smoke; you don’t have sex. What do you do for fun?”

  I sucked in a breath and frowned at him. “Why are you being so mean to me?”

  His smile dropped, “I’m not being mean. I’m teasing you. There’s a difference.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, stop it. Stop talking about my sex life all the time.”

  “So there is a sex life?”

  I let out a huff. “No, there isn’t. Just shut up.”

  “Are you sure? You seemed pretty horny last night?”

  I looked over to glare at him and saw him smiling again. He was teasing me. Prick. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk anymore.”

  He let out a laugh. “C’mon. You were horny last night. It’s okay to admit it.” His hand reached out to squeeze my thigh. “I know I was. In fact, I was fucking horny this morning. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You were all over me.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “It’s okay. Most girls are.”

  I slapped his hand away. “I’m not most girls.” I purposely looked out of the window to avoid looking at him any longer.

  “No, you’re not most girls. You’re perfect.” The way he said perfect was like an insult. “Perfect grades, perfect body, perfect behavior. You should be a fucking beauty queen.” That was definitely an insult.

  My eyes snapped back to him like I’d been slapped. “I work really hard to be like I am. Do you think I should be like you? A loser?” I sneered.

  All smiles were definitely gone now as his attention was more on me than the road. “At least I have fun. What’s your fun? I’ve seen you. You get drunk all the time but never put out. And those guys you and your friends giggle over. They’re so…boring. I guess that’s going to be what your life will be like. I can just imagine you now living in some big, white house with a nanny looking after your kids while your boring ass husband spends all his time at work. You’ll spend all your time getting drunk by twelve and working out at the gym and getting your nails done. If you ask me, you need a good fucking to let loose and enjoy life.”

  I had opened my mouth to make some kind of retort, but as he kept speaking, I’d slammed it shut. He’d just described my mother’s life.

  I swallowed. “It’s up here on the left.”

  He pulled the car up to the curb, and my hand was on the handle before the car had even stopped. I didn’t look at him as I slammed the door shut.

  Chapter Six

  My mother’s hair was styled in expert waves and her red painted mouth curved into a smile when I walked into the kitchen. She sat reading Vogue as she leaned over the granite bench. She looked at me from under her thick lashes.

  “You’ve been swimming already? You’re keen.”

  I gave her a tight smile. “You’re back.”

  “And I feel all the better for it.” Her attention was back to her magazine. I passed through the kitchen and headed up to my bedroom. I showered and crawled into my bed. I couldn’t b
elieve I’d slept on top of that asshole. Even more so, it was unbelievable that it had been a good sleep. Still, I tried to sleep again. It was easier to forget the troubles in my life that way.

  Later, when I got up for lunch, my mother was gone again. Eve dropped by with my stuff; she looked the worse for wear.

  “Sorry, I took off without you. I thought you’d caught a ride with someone and forgotten to tell me. I was really smashed last night.” She collapsed on a barstool, clutching her head. “So Joseph? Really? He’s not your type.”

  I shoved a coffee in front of her. “What is my type?”

  She shrugged. “I dunno. I guess more of the good guy type. Ewan Walsh, maybe. Or Cameron Redkin. He’s kind of hot.”

  “Joseph’s hot.”

  She raised her head to look at me. “Yeah. But he’s got issues. Who wants that?”

  Me. But I didn’t say it aloud. Both Ewan Walsh and Cameron Redkin had parents who were members of my parents’ country club. And I had thought Ewan Walsh was cute at one stage…

  “Anyway,” she sipped her coffee. “Joseph’s someone you fuck. If that’s what you want him for, that’s fine. Otherwise, don’t turn into one of those girls like Katrin, who only gets used for sex.”

  She left after that.

  My next visitor was Joseph. He leaned against the door frame holding my towel from the other day.

  “I even washed it,” he said, stepping inside as I went to get his from the laundry.

  “Thanks, but I didn’t wash yours because, well, you were kind of being an asshole.” I turned with the towel in my hand to find him right up in my space. It caught me by surprise, and I stepped back further into the laundry room.

  “You called me a loser.”

  “Yeah, well, you were being mean first.” I went to hand him back his towel.

  “I was just teasing you. You went and got all nasty with the personal shots first.” He stepped in close to me and stared down at me. He bent down. “I was trying to flirt with you, but you just didn’t seem to get it.”

  I put my hand on my hip. “Really? That was flirting?”

  The next step he took put him in close to me and made my back press against the washing machine. “Is that so hard to believe? You knew how hard I was for you. And you just decided to play hard to get.” His voice had changed. It was low and seductive, and I felt my heart speed up and my palms sweat.

  He kissed me. My first ever sober kiss. His arms pulled me in closer, and we were kissing so hard that I suddenly understood why people called it tonsil hockey. He was lifting me and putting me on top of the washing machine, and then his hands felt everywhere, and mine were all over him.

  It felt like time stood still. It could have been five seconds or five minutes that the kiss took. But by the time he pulled back, I was breathless.

  “You like that?” he asked quietly, sounding almost nervous.

  “Yeah.” I nodded my head emphatically. “I liked that.” He kissed me again, and I savored his touch on my legs, on my arms, on everywhere that he seemed to caress…

  Then he pulled back.

  “What’s wrong?” Disappointment came over me.

  He gave a crooked smile. “I can’t just stand here and kiss you all day.”

  “Oh. Right.” I half expected him to ask where my bedroom was, but he didn’t.

  “I’ve got a laboring job I need to do a few hours at today. Are you coming to the lake tonight?”

  “Yeah.” My hands were still glued to his thighs, and he gently grasped my hands in his to free himself.

  “I’ll see you there, then.”

  ‘Okay.”

  I got one last kiss before he walked out. I waited there with my heart pounding in my chest. When I heard the front door bang closed, I let out an excited squeal. This was fucking amazing!

  I took extra care getting ready that evening. I curled my hair before piling it high on my head, and my lipstick was brighter than normal. My mother cast an eye over me as I left, and for once, I felt her approval.

  “I’m glad you’re finally doing something with your hair. It’s so drab the way you just let it hang there.” She fluffed the bottom of her own hair and twisted her mouth in distaste at the thought.

  “You look nice. Is that a new dress?”

  She smoothed her hands over her flat stomach. “Like it? It’s worth the money. I’m only going to buy designer from now on. They just fit so much better.” She took her purse off the kitchen counter and slung it over her shoulder. It was the same shade as her shoes; they must have been new as well. “Anyway, I’m meeting with a friend for dinner, and I think Dad’s working late so it looks like you’ll have to fend for yourself.”

  “Okay.”

  She leaned over and kissed the air by my cheek. “Take care, Jessie.”

  “You too, Mom.”

  And then she was gone, leaving a cloud of perfume in her wake. I sat and munched on carrot sticks until Eve came and picked me up. I made the choice not to tell her about kissing Joseph in the laundry room. I didn’t want to hear about her opinions.

  People were already set up on the beach by the time we got there. My eyes scanned the crowd for Joseph, but he wasn’t there yet. I sipped my drink and acted like I was paying attention to what my friends were saying to me. But all the while I was on the lookout for Joseph.

  It was dark by the time he got there. He wore a worn gray hoodie over his shorts, and he immediately went to a circle of his friends, lighting a cigarette as someone passed him a beer. Disappointed, I turned away and forced a smile at the girl who was telling me about her summer job. I’d really expected him to come straight over to me and to start paying me attention; a feeling of suddenly wanting to cry came over me. But I guessed that could be blamed on the few cups of vodka I had consumed already.

  Another drink was gone, and he still hadn’t come over to me. I toyed with the idea of going over to him, but I didn’t want to risk that in front of his friends. Instead, I saw Ewan Walsh sitting by himself and went to join him.

  “Hi, Ewan.”

  “Hey, Jessie.” He gave me a wide smile as I sat myself down beside him, grounding my cup into the sand so it wouldn’t spill.

  “Enjoying your summer?” Even I rolled my eyes at how boring my question was, but he answered it.

  “Yeah, it’s great. I’m just working at my Dad’s company, learning the ropes.” Ewan’s father owned a huge construction company that had contracts all over the state.

  “How’s that going?”

  I sipped my drink and let him go off on a detailed description of what sounded like the most boring summer job ever. But he was excited about it, his eyes lit up with enthusiasm to the point that he sounded almost passionate about it. Eventually, I stopped listening, and just studied his face instead. He was a cute guy. Nice. Just like me. Maybe I should forget Joseph and go for someone like this instead.

  But then Joseph crouched down beside me, and I knew there was no competition. His touch on my shoulder to get my attention sent me tingling and everyone else, meaning Ewan, faded into the background. His eye was swollen and in the light of the fire, I could see the fresh bruising.

  “Mind if I steal her away?” Joseph directed his question at Ewan but didn’t wait for an answer. He stubbed out his cigarette before firmly taking my hand in his to pull me to my feet. He led me away to the trees until we were in the thick of them, before backing me up against one of them and starting to kiss my neck.

  “What happened to your eye?” I asked, feeling bad that he was making me feel good with his lips when he obviously must have been in pain.

  “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered before kissing up to my jaw. I bunched the back of his hoodie in my hand and pulled him closer against me. I moved my head to find his lips and kissed him hard, the way I had wanted to all day.

  But he ruined it. His hands started to push up my skirt and delve into my panties. His motions were urgent, nearly desperate, and I tried to pull my mouth away f
rom his to say something, but he wouldn’t let me.

  “I need this,” he rasped before his mouth kept closing over mine as his fingers pressed inside me. Then his shorts were down, and I felt something hard press against my entrance.

  I made an involuntarily intake of breath, before freeing a hand from his and managing to smack him across the face. It made a sharp crack sound that seemed to echo through the trees. He stepped back, hand on his face.

  “What the fuck was that?” His shorts still sat at mid-thigh, his erect penis obscenely standing to attention.

  I turned my back to him as I wrestled to fix my panties back into place and pull my skirt down.

  “You got your dick out? Seriously? I barely know you.” My voice wavered dangerously with the threat of tears. I was glad I had my back to him.

  I heard him let out a snort of disgust, and I nearly flinched at the venom I heard in his voice. “You’re such a fucking cock tease. You’re all hot for me one minute, the next you’re a fucking ice queen.”

  My mouth dropped open in surprise, before twisting in anger. I turned to face him. “You are disgusting. I don’t know how I could ever have liked you. Sex should be special, not up against a tree. I’m not going to let you treat me like an animal.” My hands were twisting together, nails digging into my palms as I tried to stop shaking

  He stood there and glared at me for a moment, before spinning on his heel and stalking away. I took several deep rasping breaths to get myself back under control, not sure if I felt more angry or sad. When I finally felt my heartbeat return to normal, I went back to the others.

  I was just in time to hear Katrin giggle in delight as Joseph picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her off. Whatever he whispered in her ear made her give a slight moan and lick her lips.

  I blinked away tears.

  Chapter Seven

  The Walsh family came for dinner on Saturday night. My parents had made up by then, and they had a friendly façade going on that I felt could crack at any moment. This would be the first dinner that we would have together since their fight. My mother loved entertaining. Our dining room would be transformed with fresh flowers, a white tablecloth and whatever centerpiece her magazines said was in fashion.